I am a widow. That is really difficult to say, but that is what I have become.
It took me a long time to get beyond the scars of my childhood and spread my wings into adulthood. I finally did and I got love in the process.
I was married in 2004 at the age of 33, and it was a dream. He was a dream. My best friend. My biggest protector. The most wonderful person I have ever met. I hung my star, so to speak, on us. My entire existence and all of my happiness was wrapped up in him.
Don't get me wrong, we had problems. We even spoke of divorce, but I never really thought we would not be together. We might be apart for a while, but we would always be together.
Then it all disappeared. In one moment, my entire life exploded and left me empty and alone.
Losing him was not only a shock, it was impossible.
So here I am, trying to figure out what is going to happen, but not wanting to. I have always been a procrastinator. Now I am lost, sad, lonely and wanting only to put my head in the sand and disappear. I need to do something.
As I try to move forward and try to begin a new life, I can't help but long for the life I dreamed of with the man I dreamed it with. I have always love the Sims games. But suddenly, they became a way to imagine that life.
Maybe I can control the way we get to live that life. Maybe I can take the obstacles away and give us our dreams, not all of them, but maybe some of them.
I know it is not real, but for now, it can be a way to feel like this life is not void of every single good thing.
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